Oh, Portugal

Well, midterms are finally over and done with, papers are all typed and turned in, and I've got a little over a week before my first final (and then some more time after that.. and then my last two finals), so I finally had a second to finish up my video from spring break. I was so lucky to get to meet my sister in Lisbon at the end of April for 5 days of getting lost, dancing, eating (so much gelato), and lots and lots of laughing. I've said this so many times since the trip, but honestly, the two of us should not be allowed in a foreign country together, unsupervised. We just barely found each other in the airport (after a 3 hour search and one kind policeman, which makes us sound so dumb, but honestly, Lisbon Airport, what is your deal?). I never got a stamp in my passport for entering Portugal (please see above about police officer scenario), and just barely was able to get back into Istanbul. We also struggled a little with planning and navigating... but ultimately, I think we really made the most of our trip, and in case the millions of photos I took don't act as proof, I put together a video of our short little time together, if you're interested.

Lisbon - you babe, you.

https://youtu.be/3CLq0RCR9qg

(PS - I'll be home in 21 days... HOW is that even possible??)

S is for Spring and Skirts and Stuff About Culture

Up until this point, I've been able to blend in with the Turks a bit (as long as I kept my mouth shut, that is). I'm fortunate to have my dad's dark hair and some of his filipino genes, and so, for the most part, I look pretty Turkish. But Istanbul in the spring really separates the real Turks from the people like me who are just trying to blend in. This is done primarily through clothing choices. Being a Kansan, I'm used to April rolling around and whether it's warm and springy or we're still getting snow, people start dressing for springtime. So certainly, on Tuesday when the high was 81 degrees here, I was ready to break out my dresses and skirts, as I assumed everybody would be. Wrong. I saw a total of two other girls in skirts while the rest of Istanbul was sporting jeans and sweaters and most were in heavy jackets. I was surprised by this, but not quite as surprised as the Turks seemed to be that I was wearing a knee-length dress and long-sleeved cardigan. People stared as I made my way to campus (which is already more of the culture here than it is in America, but it was certainly heightened with their disbelief at my ensemble). And outside of the context of my family and a few close friends, as a general rule, I really hate being the center of attention. It makes me uncomfortable and even more awkward than normal and it makes me so painfully self-aware. Am I the only one who's like that? Probably not. And this might sound like such a silly thing to make note of, but I really think it's an interesting cultural difference. 

In my Social Influences on Behavior class, we've been talking a whole lot about individualistic versus collectivistic cultures and the differences between them (in great detail, I might add). I think a lot of the culture differences I feel here don't come down to race or geographic location or religion like most people think, but rather, I think the brunt of it comes down to the fact that American culture is predominantly individualistic (surprise, surprise) and Turkish culture is predominantly collectivistic. And it's so interesting to get to live in a collectivistic culture for a bit, because when I learned about these types of cultures in anthropology classes and psychology classes, I would think "That's just America's problem, isn't it? If we could be more like that, it would be so much better here. Collective cultures are just perfect." Because the idea sounds so great on paper, doesn't it? A culture that's oriented around others, that works as a group towards common goals. And maybe really, truly living as a part of this kind of culture really would be amazing. But as an outsider, I'm seeing a few of the pitfalls of this cultural structure. Because while it's really wonderful to share some things collectively, I think it's pretty cool that the U.S. celebrates and encourages individuality. Here, I feel more of a pressure to dress as the Turks view seasonally appropriate, even though it would mean getting dangerously close to heat stroke some days. In America, on the other hand, I don't even bat an eye when I see people in shorts when there's snow on the ground. This is not at all to bash Istanbul or collectivistic cultures, because largely, I still think they're really fantastic, it's just been good to get a more realistic view of how that looks day in and day out. 

In other news, we had spring break last week and it was so wonderful and relaxing. I met my sister in Lisbon, Portugal, and really we probably shouldn't be allowed to travel internationally without supervision. But, I have too much to say about Lisbon, so I'll post about it someday soon (hopefully). Life is busy here with end of the year projects and papers and another midterm somehow right before finals start.

I can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm leaving this place in a month. Somebody please tell me how the time went this fast. I'm working on processing leaving. Up until last night, I had thought "Yeah. I'll be ready to be home," not because I liked Istanbul any less, but just because it's been so long since I've seen my sweet nephews (who are getting so big it's unreal) and because I miss the rest of my family so much, and because it gets tiring sticking out all of the time, too. I was ready for the familiar and for blending in. And those feelings are still there, absolutely, but last night I had a dream that I cut my trip short and was back at K-State. It wasn't until I had gotten back to my dorm room that I realized how much I missed Istanbul and remembered all the things I had meant to see but hadn't and it hit me that I had wished away this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I woke up from that dream feeling the weight of only having 4 little weeks left here, suddenly. What a semester it's been - completely different than I thought it would be, harder in some ways than I expected and much easier in other ways I didn't foresee. But so good for me in a million different ways. Istanbul brought me back to life after a really hard Fall semester. It gave me a season of rest and relaxation and the chance to just go and do. I'm so grateful for this time, for the sweet people by my side through it all, for the places I've seen, and for all the miles and miles my feet have walked. I'm really trying to soak up this last month and all of it's sunshine-y, rainy, bosphorus-y glory. I'll let you know how it goes. Until then, happy Saturday.

Lessons in Standing Still

                                                 

Sometimes, this thing is a real chore. For weeks now, I’ve been thinking: “I really need to blog. I’ve got to blog.” And yet, here we are, nearly a month after my last post. Partially, I haven’t been writing because the “study” portion of study abroad is kicking in. That seems to be the common refrain among exchange students right now. Midterms are finally winding down and we’re starting to see why Boğaziçi is called “the Harvard of Turkey.” I didn’t understand this at all until I took my first midterm. The classes made complete sense to me, I was following everything just fine and I really felt like I was well-studied for my first midterm (I did more studying than I do back at K-State). But I studied the wrong stuff. I was talking to my Turkish friend, Esra, and describing this to her and she asked me what kinds of questions would appear on midterms at K-State. When I told her, she just laughed and said “You will never find that kind of thing here in Turkey.” So I’m still trying to learn how to show that I’m learning here. But it’s a little stressful when my entire grade is currently based off of one test, and a little more stressful to realize I’ve only got the final to compensate for my midterm grade. So that’s partially why I’ve taken a hiatus from writing.

It’s also partially because it’s surprisingly hard to find important things to say. It was easier when Istanbul was brand new, and I was seeing it through new eyes. I’m still quite out of my element here, obviously, and still trying to figure it all out, but it feels less strange for me. As I walk around, there’s less of a sense of “Oh I have to write about this!” and more like “Oh, there are some more Turkish guys walking with their arms around one another. Business as usual.”

  

And partially, it’s difficult to make myself write because, if I’m being very honest, some days, being here doesn’t feel quite as adventurous as it might seem. Some of you reading this back home may want to slap me for saying that (and that might be totally warranted), because here I am, with this incredible opportunity, doing exactly what I set out to do a year ago saying it’s not some crazy adventure every single day. And I hope I don’t sound like I’m complaining – because I’m not! Believe me, I know how rare and special this is, and I am so grateful for this trip and wouldn’t have had it any other way! But I think it’s maybe just a “the grass is always greener on the other side” situation. And I think it’s just a human thing. I hope it’s a human thing, and not just a me thing. It’s just this really interesting feeling in me that so badly wants to be in two places at once. Because on one hand, I know I miss my family and my friends, and I miss my school, my language, my major, my food, my familiarity. But then I kind of slap myself on the wrist for feeling that way, because I think about leaving Istanbul and I think about everything I will miss here. The huge city, the unfamiliarity, the change, the slow pace of life, the free time I have to read for fun and to spend hours painting and listening to jazz on Wednesdays, the bosphorus, the Turkish students and the exchange students that I’ve met here. It’s just such a Catch-22 (at least, that’s what I’m told. I tried and failed at actually making it through that whole book… Sorry Mrs. Unruh). 

I want to be here, and I want to be there. People ask me how Turkey is and is it everything I had hoped and dreamed and just how awesome is it, and my answer is yes, but with an asterisk, almost. I have been thinking about this weird feeling over the past couple of weeks, and I think it just comes down to my contentedness. I’ve found myself thinking “Oh, if I had studied abroad in __________, I would have eaten this, and seen this, and done this, and I wouldn’t feel this pull to be in two places at once” and yet I know I’d have the exact same phenomenon going on there, too. I’ve got restless feet. They’re quick to move and slow to be satisfied. I long for home and familiarity and I long for adventure and the unknown all at once. But adventure isn’t comfortable and familiar – we don’t get both at the same time.

Being here is really challenging me to just stand still. To stand still past the point of comfort, really. It’s teaching me to be content and to be present, right here, right where I am. This is a season of unknown adventure for me, and I’m just so grateful for that.

Here are some photos from the Grand Bazaar

& other things.

This picture doesn't even begin to capture the mobs of people
that fill the Bazaar or the vastness of the place.

Bazaar spices

Beşiktaş cakes

The Turkish version of "The Little Prince."

Adventure is Out There

Studying abroad is hard. 

It's not all beautiful skylines or sunny, Instagram-filtered days. I think it's important that I dispel this myth, because I'm just as guilty as the next guy for prolonging this image of a perfect, picturesque adventure of a semester. Don't get me wrong - I am so very, very happy here! This opportunity to see the world (or at least part of it) is not something I take for granted. I am so very grateful each and every day that the desire was put on my heart to study abroad, and that I actually was lucky enough to get to pursue that desire. This trip came at the perfect time, and with the help of so many wonderful people, and I wouldn't have it any other way, I really wouldn't. But if you're thinking about studying abroad (or even just thinking about what it would be like to think about studying abroad), I believe it's only fair that you get to see the whole picture. Because while it's this incredible journey to live life outside of your comfort zone and see things that you could never see back home, you miss things, too.

          

You miss things like your sweet little nephews growing up and being not quite so little. FaceTime absolutely eases these pains, but lets be honest - Leo (1-year-old) and Nolan (3-years-old) have better things to do than sit still have have an adult conversation. They're busy guys! You also miss things like your childhood friend getting engaged, and even though I was lucky enough to get to Skype her and giggle and be excited with her, it's not the same as getting to hug her and talk in person (although we'll be sure to make up for lost time when I'm back for the summer, I know it!). You miss little things, too, like studying late at night with your best friend and actually getting no studying done because there are more important things to be discussed (and dances that have to be danced). You miss hamburgers and walmart (I know, I was just as surprised as you probably are right now). And in May, if you're like me, you'll miss your little brother's graduation. I'll get to be there via skype, but I'll have to wait until June to hug him and congratulate him in person. 

The thing is, though, if I was there, not missing those things, then I'd just be missing out on the things here. I'd be missing out on seeing the gorgeous Bosphorus on my way to school. I'd be missing eating doner and kebaps and some of the best rice I've ever had. I'd be missing out on meeting some really phenomenal people and seeing places so beautiful that photos don't capture it all. Ashton's parents are here visiting this week, which has been super fun to see them, because even though they're not my family, they're a piece of home here in Istanbul. We got dinner with them Sunday night, and it was really fun to see Istanbul through their eyes. It was a nice reminder of the little progress we've made here and the ways in which we've adapted and found new normals here - the words we've learned, the foods we've tried, getting used to not knowing what we're ordering. It's so good to have them here and to get to experience this place in a new way.

                      














As I was flipping through photos to include in this blog, I was just kind of met with this realization that you don't have to go around the world to find adventure (although it's really cool when you get to). Going abroad is making me realize the adventure that waits for me back home, as silly as that might sound. I think that's one of the biggest take-aways for me, so far. Studying abroad is leaving me with this insatiable desire to be in two places at once. But I'm really grateful for that feeling, because it means I've got adventure and excitement while I'm here, and adventure and excitement waiting for me back at home, too. There's a whole lot of joy and comfort in that.

40 Day Dream

Hello friends!

Today's post is a bit different than usual. As ok as my last blog post was about my trip through Pamukkale, Ephesus, Sirince, and Izmir was, I felt like my words still didn't do the trip much justice. So I threw together a little video, for those who are interested in seeing a little bit more of my lovely trip!

Here's the link if you want to watch it: http://youtu.be/46lsIq9lDLk


Enjoy!

Wanderlust

(In advance, the formatting with the photos is super wonky. I got tired of trying to fix it. Sorry.)

(PS - you suck, Blogger. Go home.)


This weekend, I had the opportunity to travel around Turkey a bit with the Exchange Student Network, so I did, and I’m so glad I did! Our schedule was pretty packed, we didn’t get a whole lot of sleep, it was a little unorganized, and we spent hours and hours on a bus, but it was such a wonderful trip.

We left around 11pm on Thursday night and headed towards Pamukkale – an area in Turkey known for its hot springs. We drove straight through the night and after some restless bus sleep, we got there in the morning Friday. I had been wanting to visit these hot springs ever since my sister-in-law showed them to me, so I had big expectations. We entered the area and started our tour along the hot springs and I was feeling pretty disappointed at first. I had googled the area and had seen pictures of people sitting in the springs like a hot tub, surrounded on all sides by gorgeous, full hot springs. I was expecting deep hot springs, but as we walked along them, none of them were filled with water and I was feeling cheated, thinking I wouldn’t get the chance to even step foot in the famous Pamukkale hot springs. It turns out that there are three main areas throughout the vast span of the hot springs, and each day, they use pipes to move the water to different areas. Though the large salt flats looked really incredible without water, I had been looking forward to lounging in the water, so when our tour guide turned down the path to a section that was filled with the warm water, I was so thrilled.

The hot springs were everything I could’ve asked for. It was breathtaking to be there. We were up high in the hills of Pamukkale and could look out onto the other hot springs below us and onto the gorgeous mountains in front of us. We were in a fairly shallow area of the hot springs, so we left our shoes, rolled up our jeans and wandered down through them. The floor of the hot springs was rough and the water felt wonderful. We had a little over an hour to move through the hot springs and explore and it was just as wonderful as I had anticipated. I could keep rambling about it, but I won’t do it justice. My photos won’t, either, but they’re better than my words at least.

After the springs, we got to tour through some other great sights in Hierapolis Pamukkale. We saw the beautiful antic pool as well as the ruins of an incredible amphitheater. We had a lot of fun just running around in the warm sun, taking in the ruins and climbing on them (is that disrespectful?). We also visited the Kirmizi Su/Karahayit Village that had some smaller hot springs and souvenir shops and actual chickens   (I spent too much time researching the plural form of “chicken”) crossing the road.

We then had quite the bus ride to our hotel, which truly was 4-star (although the “wifi” was not). We had an awesome buffet dinner and I roomed with my girl, Laura. It was such a pleasure getting to know her and learning a little bit about Holland.

Our hotel was not even a 5-minute walk from the beach and though it was small and a little run down, it was so wonderful to be by the water with new friends and old friends. I just couldn’t help but feel so lucky. My face had some sun from earlier, my feet were worn out from all the places they had been, and I was surrounded by silly conversation.

       

Streets of Ephesus

On day two, we went on a tour through Ephesus, which honestly was a little underwhelming. It could have been because we didn’t have a great tour guide and were with a large group, but I felt like there wasn’t enough to see to fill up our 2 hours (keep in mind, this is 2 hours Turkish time, so it was probably closer to 3 hours) there. I don’t feel like I learned a whole lot of the history of Ephesus from our tour guide, and a whole lot of the time was spent just waiting for the rest of our group to catch up so we could move on. As we got towards the end of the trail through Ephesus, there was a lot more to see, though, and the ruins were really beautiful.

Almost our whole group

The Library in Ephesus

         

"Wall of Wishes"

Virgin Mary's House

During day two, we also saw the Virgin Mary house, and I drank holy water. I felt #blessed (sorry). That evening, we stopped along the coast to grab food and shop for an hour and a half. Kevin and I ended up grabbing a waffle, which is the most delicious treat and I’m determined to bring it back to America. It’s a waffle (duh) that’s warm and covered in any combination of yummy toppings (chocolate, peanut butter, caramel, strawberries, bananas, kiwi, chocolate chips… just to name a few) and then it’s folded taco-style. YUM. Anyways… We grabbed a waffle and we were right near the water. We saw the sun set as men fished in front of us and we talked about books and it was so, so good.

We also took a bus ride to the stunning şirince village. This was arguably my favorite part of the trip. The tiny village was filled with vendors selling various spices, scarves, fake prada purses and wallets, soaps, wines, pottery, and basically everything else you could possibly think of.  It didn’t even feel like we were in Turkey anymore. şirince felt very exotic and unique. We stopped at a wine tasting and I tried pomegranate wine (it was very sweet and delicious!). After walking all through the shops and meeting a man who sold a ring to Brad Pitt in the film Troy (he was pretty nonchalant about it, but in a way where you could tell he mentioned it to approximately everyone who ever came into his shop), we got some ice cream and went to check out the view of the very Tuscan-feeling village around us. We decided to climb one of the hills near the village and we had the most amazing view. It was just breathtaking. We sat on the grass, bathed in warm sunlight, and looked out onto the mountains and valleys filled with rows of grape vines and red-roofed houses. It was so lovely. We laughed about stupid things and I picked flowers while the boys threw rocks and

kids rustled in the bushes behind us. Again, my words really don’t do the scene any justice, but as if it wasn’t gorgeous enough, there were horses near us and the weather could not have been more perfect. şirince is the kind of village I pictured when I thought about traveling and studying abroad, it was just incredible. Looking at the red-roofed homes from the hill, it almost felt a little like what I imagine Italy might feel like, and it also felt like we went back in time just a little bit. It was so picturesque and the ice cream cone in my hand didn’t hurt, either. I could’ve stayed on that hill all day, I think.

On our last day, Izmir was rainy and chilly, but a few of us still ventured to the beach after breakfast and before we had to leave. I just marveled at the waves and decided right then and there that I will live by water someday. There’s something so captivating about water and waves. I could watch them roll in forever. We checked out of the hotel and spent some time in the main part of Izmir city. It is a tourist town and we were there during the off-season, so it didn’t quite feel like all it was cracked up to be, but Ashton, Kevin and I still had a great time. We found a restaurant called Baks and we managed to eat lunch for cheap (which is quite the accomplishment for the swanky area we were in). It was really nice, we took our time eating and drank Salep while it rained. Salep is a warm drink they have in Turkey that’s sweet and thick and silky. It’s almost like a sweet, warm, thicker version of milk that they sprinkle cinnamon on. Its closest American comparison would probably be a Chai tea latte, but salep is much sweeter. We had plenty of time, and Turks serve their drinks very hot, so you’re forced to take your time letting it cool and sipping it and just being with the people you’re with. We talked about our families, and the games we played as kids, and the Beatles before starting the long bus ride back to Istanbul.

It was really so fun to leave Istanbul for a little bit and to see so many new, exciting things and adventure a bit. But it was also really good to get back and to feel the familiarity of my small radius in this city. To know the streets and sounds and restaurants, to feel the wind wisp my hair away in soft circles around my face, to brush shoulders as I pass people on the narrow sidewalks, and to hear cars honking their horns at one another every few minutes. Walking to class today, I realized it’s going to be so hard to leave this place; Istanbul has been different from how I imagined it in almost every way possible, and there’s a lot of beauty in having your expectations completely changed.

It was so comforting to be back in Istanbul, and that caught me off guard. I miss all my people back home, of course, but it feels a lot more like nostalgia than it does homesickness. Being here is a lot like I feel about being at K-State – it’s not my childhood home, but it is home, too. Now, I just have a third, equally lovely home in Istanbul. And I’m more than ok with that.