Up until this point, I've been able to blend in with the Turks a bit (as long as I kept my mouth shut, that is). I'm fortunate to have my dad's dark hair and some of his filipino genes, and so, for the most part, I look pretty Turkish. But Istanbul in the spring really separates the real Turks from the people like me who are just trying to blend in. This is done primarily through clothing choices. Being a Kansan, I'm used to April rolling around and whether it's warm and springy or we're still getting snow, people start dressing for springtime. So certainly, on Tuesday when the high was 81 degrees here, I was ready to break out my dresses and skirts, as I assumed everybody would be. Wrong. I saw a total of two other girls in skirts while the rest of Istanbul was sporting jeans and sweaters and most were in heavy jackets. I was surprised by this, but not quite as surprised as the Turks seemed to be that I was wearing a knee-length dress and long-sleeved cardigan. People stared as I made my way to campus (which is already more of the culture here than it is in America, but it was certainly heightened with their disbelief at my ensemble). And outside of the context of my family and a few close friends, as a general rule, I really hate being the center of attention. It makes me uncomfortable and even more awkward than normal and it makes me so painfully self-aware. Am I the only one who's like that? Probably not. And this might sound like such a silly thing to make note of, but I really think it's an interesting cultural difference.
In my Social Influences on Behavior class, we've been talking a whole lot about individualistic versus collectivistic cultures and the differences between them (in great detail, I might add). I think a lot of the culture differences I feel here don't come down to race or geographic location or religion like most people think, but rather, I think the brunt of it comes down to the fact that American culture is predominantly individualistic (surprise, surprise) and Turkish culture is predominantly collectivistic. And it's so interesting to get to live in a collectivistic culture for a bit, because when I learned about these types of cultures in anthropology classes and psychology classes, I would think "That's just America's problem, isn't it? If we could be more like that, it would be so much better here. Collective cultures are just perfect." Because the idea sounds so great on paper, doesn't it? A culture that's oriented around others, that works as a group towards common goals. And maybe really, truly living as a part of this kind of culture really would be amazing. But as an outsider, I'm seeing a few of the pitfalls of this cultural structure. Because while it's really wonderful to share some things collectively, I think it's pretty cool that the U.S. celebrates and encourages individuality. Here, I feel more of a pressure to dress as the Turks view seasonally appropriate, even though it would mean getting dangerously close to heat stroke some days. In America, on the other hand, I don't even bat an eye when I see people in shorts when there's snow on the ground. This is not at all to bash Istanbul or collectivistic cultures, because largely, I still think they're really fantastic, it's just been good to get a more realistic view of how that looks day in and day out.
In other news, we had spring break last week and it was so wonderful and relaxing. I met my sister in Lisbon, Portugal, and really we probably shouldn't be allowed to travel internationally without supervision. But, I have too much to say about Lisbon, so I'll post about it someday soon (hopefully). Life is busy here with end of the year projects and papers and another midterm somehow right before finals start.
I can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm leaving this place in a month. Somebody please tell me how the time went this fast. I'm working on processing leaving. Up until last night, I had thought "Yeah. I'll be ready to be home," not because I liked Istanbul any less, but just because it's been so long since I've seen my sweet nephews (who are getting so big it's unreal) and because I miss the rest of my family so much, and because it gets tiring sticking out all of the time, too. I was ready for the familiar and for blending in. And those feelings are still there, absolutely, but last night I had a dream that I cut my trip short and was back at K-State. It wasn't until I had gotten back to my dorm room that I realized how much I missed Istanbul and remembered all the things I had meant to see but hadn't and it hit me that I had wished away this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I woke up from that dream feeling the weight of only having 4 little weeks left here, suddenly. What a semester it's been - completely different than I thought it would be, harder in some ways than I expected and much easier in other ways I didn't foresee. But so good for me in a million different ways. Istanbul brought me back to life after a really hard Fall semester. It gave me a season of rest and relaxation and the chance to just go and do. I'm so grateful for this time, for the sweet people by my side through it all, for the places I've seen, and for all the miles and miles my feet have walked. I'm really trying to soak up this last month and all of it's sunshine-y, rainy, bosphorus-y glory. I'll let you know how it goes. Until then, happy Saturday.
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